Top 5 Ways to Keep Brett Lawrie Healthy Brett Lawrie is nuts.

That's not meant to disparage. In the year that Lawrie has been a Blue Jay, he's put together a highlight reel that would be the envy of most 5-10 year veterans. He runs the bases with abandon, chases every ground ball like a rabid squirrel and launches himself into camera bays with no regard for human life.

The problem is, his life is one of the ones for which he seems to have no regard. If he's throwing himself into the abyss of the Yankee Stadium camera well in a July game in which the team is trailing 4-0, what on earth will he be willing to do in a meaningful game?

Lawrie has the chance to be a generational talent, already having established himself as a major league regular at 22. He can't do that if he can't stay on the field.

Here are 5 ways to keep Brett Lawrie in the lineup:

5. Lawrie-Only Water Cooler


Lawrie plays as if he chugs a Red Bull between each inning, so this might help to take the edge off. Since we don't want any somnambulent Blue Jays out there, this is off limits for everyone except Brett.












4. Deployable Base-Running Drag Chute

Lawrie breaks out of the batters box after every routine ground ball thinking "double." This is admirable, but he's been pulled from games after tweaking his legs and back. This device, controlled remotely from the dugout by manager John Farrell, will give the skipper the option to slow Lawrie down if he feels he's about to overdo it.










3. Sumo Base-running Suit

Bautista has his elbow pad, Escobar his shin guard, Davis his base-stealing oven mitt - so here's something to keep Lawrie intact once on base. Now, this would only be for situations in which he winds up on third, since it's not much for wind resistance, but it will protect him from those home plate collisions he seems to relish, such as last season's memorable meeting with Jason Varitek.












2. Everything Nerf

Forget the TD Canada Comfort Zone, it's time for the Nerf Brett Lawrie Preservation Zone. Simply resurface the camera bay, seats, corners of the dugout, etc. in soft, yielding Nerf foam. Then Lawrie can launch himself anywhere he pleases. Of course, this would only work for home games, which would necessitate...



1. The Brett Lawrie-Bjorn

Since Lawrie can't be trusted NOT to throw himself over railings, down dugout steps, into shark-infested waters, we're going to have to go with a buddy system. Since Omar Vizquel has been in the majors longer than Lawrie has been alive, what better person to tether him to? Sure, you sacrifice a little bit of infield range with this particular device, but remember: safety first.

This way, he can still CHASE foul balls to the ends of the earth, but just in case he's about to go overboard, Uncle Omar will be there to pull him back.

Labels: Brett Lawrie, injuries, Omar Vizquel

  ¶ posted by Jim Turner at 5:09 PM