Is it just me, or is everyone else thinking we should post up one of those ragged chain link fences around the SkyCentre, complete with “Beware of Dog Bautista ” signs posted every 10 metres. Hell, I’d like to change that Michael Snow sculpture of “The Audience” into a bunch of Bautista heads. While we’re at it, can we have Bautista Beard give aways to the first 10 000 fans. What about Bautista tribute night, -uh season- where every Jays player wears the number 19 on jersey?

Due to injury, and general crappiness, the Jays’ offence might be one of the worst in baseball, but as a Jays fan you can actually be okay with watching 8 throw away at bats, knowing that it’s all a set up for the beard to take his hacks. This guy isn’t necessarily the greatest batter in Jays history, I mean we’ve seen Delgado, Olerud, good Wells, Alomar and for a brief time Molitor, but I’m not sure that anyone has ever struck more fear in opposing pitchers than Jose Bautista. The book on him is simple…if you throw it off the plate it’s a ball –unless the umpire screws up- and if you throw it over the plate, get out the tape measure. Seriously, I’m pretty sure that his only singles this season actually hit the outfield wall but bounced back so quickly that he couldn't get to second base in time. I’m not sure this guy’s human-has MLB started testing for non-humanness? I hope not, it might cost us our number three hole hitter.

On another note, I’d like to say that I hate the Devil Rays. Not in the way that I hate the Yankees and Hitler, more like the way the Corey Haim would have hated Charlie Sheen toward the end of Lucas. I mean he was nice, smart, popular, captain of the football team, and somehow still managed to induce pity after breaking up with Courtney Thorne Smith so that he could steal Lucas’ girl –what happened to that red head, I think I loved her-. But seriously, everything the Jays want to be or claim to be, the Devils seem to do better. Consider the following comparisons:

Challenging the Yankees and Red Sox in the AL East: TB

Awesome Young Starting Rotation: TB, they’re young and aweseomer –why did spell check have a problem with that? I mean, I like our rotation, but I’m pretty sure our ace has the ceiling of a good number three starter –this is where you get angry and prove me wrong Ricky-. We can hope that Drabek reaches potential, and Morrow keeps pitching like yesterday. But the Rays pitchers are more established. Mind you, we are younger. Including Jesse Litsch the average age of our starters is 25…but they’re getting lit up. My son’s four--can he pitch for the Blue Jays too?

Scrappy Offence: TB, these guys are incredibly efficient. They keep scoring runs even with mendozian batting averages. Last year the Jays were 9th in MLB in runs scored while just 24th in batting average. That’s incredibly efficient, but the Rays managed to be 3rd in runs scores and 27th in batting average.

Hard-Nosed Defence: On Saturday, Sam Fuld’s diving catch on Travis Snider’s two out liner into left centre saved two runs, while Ben Zobrist’s turn at second led to a double play that saved at least one run while snuffing out a rally. If Corey Patterson is so fast, why has he hit into two runs saving double plays started by the third baseman within the last week? While this was happening during Jays at bats, Yunel Escobar chose to save his knees rather than try the turn at second base on two consecutive ground balls to second base. That ended up costing the Jays a run, a run that could have been more easily clawed back with John McDonald batting in the ninth with a man on third, one out and the Jays down by one. It’s Hustle and Heart Yunel, Hustle and Heart.

Great Uniform Colours: Tampa has switched to a sublime double blue combination (dark and baby). This is a city who’s sports teams are supposed to like ice cream treats. Suddenly they look like the flippin’ Argos, who, regardless of what you think of Canadian Football, look fantastic. I remember a time when we cheered for an MLB team that sported the double blue. What did we call that team…perennial playoff participants, back to back world series champs, best organization in baseball, or was it just the “Blue Jays”. I’ve heard rumblings that the Jays are looking to refresh their image with a new logo and uniform overall. It seems like we’ve got it half right. As much as I loved the original Jays logo, the current J-Bird logo has absolutely grown on me. It’s a vicious looking bird that kids can still relate to…it’s kind of like an artist's representation of Jose Bautista in bird form! Why don’t we keep the logo, ditch the T, and replace all of the black on the Jays’ uniforms with dark blue -I’m thinking Tampa or Cleveland, but would be willing to go as dark as Sox, Yanks-. I've replaced the blue with black in the image above so you could get a feel for it.

Mull it over Jays. I’ve got some Cadbury Cream Eggs to eat.